The Sun maybe shining, and the skies maybe bluer than they have been for months, but I have developed an existential pain causing a dull annoying throb in my Soul.
It actually matches the much sharper and more persistent pain in my right sole, that incidentally is considerably less metaphysical, and caused by a blunt object puncturing my sole to some depth yesterday morning.
Is the very essence of my being damaged, or injured ?
To an observant person it’s clear that my current, awkward one legged limping is a symptom of foot pain or injury. But what are the visible symptoms of an aching, essence ? Unlike the limp, a burden on one’s existence is much harder to spot.
The apparently eternal frustration of “Not Being Enough” delivers crushing blows much harder than the cold steel that pierced my skin so easily yesterday but they don’t cause bleeding or bruising. In the last few days, I have been challenged as being unnatural, I was called a dude as I queued for a drink at a bar, and just yesterday someone who must surely know better called me Him, three times in succession…
Not Enough ? – Clearly for some people nowhere near !
It is, apparently none of my business to know what people think of me, and of course that makes perfect sense. But in the context of my journey, to have my identity challenged so frequently it becomes increasingly difficult to ignore..
But I’m not giving up. I’m looking for a new approach, in fact I am working hard on an approach that is nicer than my number one option of becoming a recluse, but for now, hiding works.