Tomorrow the Christian world tells me, is Good Friday. My response is that it better be. Today is feeling decidedly like Below Average Thursday.
After the highs of last weekend, I am feeling decidedly rough. I’m on Day three of a pounding headache and ridiculously stiff neck, that is giving me the gait of one of the comic portrayals of Frankensteins Monster, but without the large steel bolt through my neck, although it feels like it could well be there…
In other news……Last week, I spent an hour or so in the company of my remarkable Suzannestranologist, we chatted for a while, whilst he perused my latest blood work and pronounced that he was on the whole very happy with the results. My Timbosterone (Testosterone) is however on the low side, with a reading of almost none, and he has tweaked the medication to deliver a fix, which should hopefully resolve the depressive episodes I was experiencing on a Monthly basis during the Anti Androgen phase of the treatment.
He then asked me to strip off and present for examination. This being his specialist area, he wished to check breast tissue development and overall effectiveness of the treatment. I refused, politely, but firmly. Appearing fully clothed is just about ok these days. Divesting myself of that protective layer, and standing naked for a relative stranger, even one as learned as the good Doctor, is not going to happen.
His response was interesting and surprisingly accurate. “I think you would be more prepared to allow me to examine your progress if you were not quite so heavy” he said quietly, whilst he slid the Blood Pressure Cuff up my arm. He was spot on. He has a job to do, and his intentions are quite honourable, the problem is mine.
We had a brief and very intense discussion about a medical solution to the problem of my obesity. The Doctor offered a revolutionary treatment in the form of a weekly injection that would, he assured, me radically alter my approach to food. I remain convinced my appetite is not an issue, it is my level of activity. Apart from my regular workouts, I spend a simply enormous time in front of a computer screens, sat at a desk, and an equally enormous time, sat on a motorcycle riding to, and from the office.
The Endocrinologist has achieved much that I am incredibly grateful for, but I’m not about to let him insert any experimental medication into my overly flabby backside in order to fix a problem that I can fix myself with the right mindset. I know exactly what I need to change. I need to stop playing hide and seek with the world.
For the last couple of years I’ve elevated the act of avoiding a walk to almost an art form. I’m cowering behind a desk, on a couch, in a helmet on a bike. Four years ago, pre transition, I was intimately familiar with the shops of Perth. I would pound around the streets in my lunchtime, and after work if I was staying over. Fifteen, twenty, sometimes twenty-five thousand steps in a day. Now I claim I am too busy to get out, too much happening to allow me to get into the city for an hours stroll. Except that it isn’t busy. Its scared. I’ve hobbled myself to an indoor existence, and the longer it continues, the more restrictive it becomes.
Now I have exposed it, and shared it with the world, I’m convinced I can break this mindset, which has to be the first step. Tomorrow is Good Friday and it will be followed by Excellent Saturday, Amazing Sunday, and Sublime Monday and today….
Today is not below average at all. Today is most definitely Wonderful.