I saw an internet “Meme” the other day that really annoyed me, mostly I’m able to ignore these things. People endlessly share and duplicate these images on Social Media. For me it shows a distinct lack of imagination. It’s a great example of sheep like behaviour, thinking with someone else head, mindlessly repeating a message created by another person..
The message in question said “Eighteen is To Young To Buy an Assault Rifle, but Five is old enough to decide your Gender !” The text was displayed over a couple of loosely associated photographs , and clearly it was produced by someone with an axe to grind on the USA gun laws, who was slightly annoyed by stories of Children choosing to, or at least requesting to Transition.
I felt compelled to reply, to the couple of instances on my Social Media Feed where this image had appeared and put them right !
When I was four or five years old, I knew who I was. I knew what I was, and I was deeply concerned that there appeared to have been a bit of a mistake in the distribution of bodies and brains. I couldn’t articulate how or why, but I did understand that something was amiss. I would make late night wishes at bed time, with my eyes screwed tightly shut, and my fingers crossed, I would sincerely appeal for a magical overnight fix to be applied to my body parts. As I grew older, the wishes developed into complex dreams where through some means or other I was the “Girl” I knew myself to be.
I did not know what it felt like to be “Woman” But I did know what it felt like to be Me and this was clearly at odds with what the world expected of, and defined for “Tim”, “Timmy”, “Timmers” as I was variously known. I think everyone knew I was different, they just didn’t know why, and so they bullied me anyway.
There is a continuing struggle with my identity. As strongly as I believe I have chosen the right path, and living and working as a Woman, my sense of self is still fragile after decades of struggle. However this morning I received a message from a beautiful friend, that gave the fragile Suzanne a real boost.
“My Brain is my my Master Organ, and if that is telling me I am a Woman, then I am a Fucking Woman. Same as You.” For as long as I can remember I have identified as Woman. A timely reminder from a passionate feminist has served to remind me that I have always been right.
I may not be the size or shape I desire, I may not have the features of classical beauty, but I know who I am, and I’m working like crazy to be the best me I can…
Thank You Jasmine xoxoxo
Happy International Womens Day. 2018. <3