Its Hot……Really Hot….

The Mercury hit 36 Degrees C, and today I am feeling it.

More accurately, this afternoon whilst pushing 400 plus kilos of Russian Pig Iron with a flat tyre, I felt it…..I Really felt it. I got to within 50 metres of home and was joined in the recovery efforts by two extra pairs of hands (Thanks)  that made the last uphill section onto the drive much easier.

Its worth noting that my heart didn’t give out under the load, which has to be a one positive aspect to come out of this…It may have been an effective workout, but it is not one I want to repeat anytime soon.

The Law of Sod, of course dictated this would happen. I have what I can only describe as a fear of Summer. More so now since my transition.

The intense heat, and my base level of anxiety results in a serious amount of “Glistening.” Which of course makes me feel worse, and subsequently triggers more anxious sweating and on into an increasingly unpleasant feedback loop of perspiration.

When I already worry about looking something approaching respectable, the drenched in sweat appearance doesn’t help. The end result is a not pretty, which I suppose stands to reason because the starting point is substantial distance from Pretty too.

After two really good weeks, when I have felt better than ever before,  Today is shaking those foundations. The words wretched and despicable are creeping back into my head when I glance at my gelatinous hybrid form.

I’m trying hard to find a look that is comfortable, flattering and not out of place in the searing heat of a WA Summer. For me, in this form, I just don’t think its possible,  and therefore once again I am forced to address the crushing dichotomy that is my existence.

All this of course takes place just one day after a date that I had anticipated for a long time.  The plan was to feel and look spectacular. The Annual work Christmas Party took place last night, and once again I avoided it.

Last year at the start of my transition, I imagined what it would be like to attend this year. The image I created was bright, sparkly and full of joy. The reality is as far away now as it was then. Despite booking a place at the event, I never collected my ticket, and the casual conversations at work about going along came to nothing.

My aspirations are clearly misguided.

The Cliche about Leopards and Spots may hold more truth than  my belief in the power of Existential Philosophy.

It would seem that :-

“Once a fat filthy sweating motorcyclist pushing a bike up a road…..Always a fat filthy sweating motorcyclist pushing a bike up a road. ”

Maybe accepting that fact will keep me just as happy for another two weeks.

Oh, and the Dog keeps biting me which, on a day like today,  hurts almost as much on the inside as it does on the outside.